Disclaimer: This is all satire. No claims are real. Just dangerously good fun. Eat responsibly. Rebel wisely.
Proceed with caution, or donβt. We won't judge.
Pineapple Habanero β Tropical Punch to the Face
Pineapple Habanero is what happens when a beach vacation and a bad decision fall into the same blender.
It hits first with crushed pineapple and orange juice, a sticky-sweet tropical blast that makes you think you are safe. Then the habanero peppers clock in with a clean, sharp burn that climbs just high enough to make you respect it. Not ruin-your-week heat, but definitely βwhy am I sweating over tacosβ energy.
Onion, garlic honey, and vinegar stack in the savory and tangy backbone, while lime juice and citric acid crank the brightness so it cuts through rich food like a tiny, fruity chainsaw. Tarragon and celery salt sneak in as the secret weirdos in the back, adding herbal and salty depth that makes this taste way more chef-y than a bottle with apocalypse branding has any right to be. Smooth and clingy, so it coats whatever you are about to inhale.
This is the sauce for people who want their heat with a side of sunshine and chaos.
Flavor Profile:
Front: Juicy pineapple and citrus pop
Heat: Bright, medium habanero burn that hangs out but does not stage a coup
Savory: Onion, garlic honey, vinegar, and celery salt for serious depth
Lift: Lime juice and citric acid for sharp, zesty sparkle
Weird Flex: Tarragon bringing subtle herbal intrigue
Heat Level: π₯π₯π₯ (3/5)
Enough fire to wake you up, not enough to file a complaint.
Best Deployed On: Fish tacos, grilled shrimp, pizza, rice bowls, nachos, grain bowls, roasted veggies, pulled pork, and any sad meal that needs to feel like it got teleported to a slightly unhinged tropical island.
Ingredients: Crushed Pineapple, Onion, Habanero Peppers, Sugar, Orange juice, water, Garlic Honey, Lime Juice, Vinegar, Citric Acid, Salt, Tarragon, Celery Salt, Xanthan Gum.
Refrigerate After Opening.
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